Organized Chaos

I'm back!

I tip my glass to those who were involved with Saucy Fops: The Musical?, both current and past members, and extend my gratitude towards everyone who made it possible for me to participate in the Victoria Fringe Festival. Was more fun that mere words can describe, and I am so honoured to have been a part of it. Thank you all for the memories! Break a leg in Vancouver!

I'm really excited about this year. Something I haven't been for a long time. I finally have my own space in the basement, and that means I have all my old possessions back out again. I spent two days sorting through my life, memories, ambitions and momentos and, after much scrutinizing, I managed to throw out over 15 boxes worth of clothes, books, teddies, (you name it) and donate them to charities. Feels like I'm starting out fresh. I've got new goals, and a place to call my own where I can work to achieve them. It feels really really good.

And that's not the only place in my life where changes are being made. As of today I am applying for new employment opportunities, because I'm done bitching about work and taking no active step towards improving my position. The job was good to me, in that my boss was good to me, but she's gone... and soon shall I be. I have nothing against minimum wage paying jobs, it's just that I need to have one that relies on my brain power in at least some sense of the word. Hopefully I can get back on at Starbucks, but we'll see how that goes.

I'm also continuing my regime at the weight room at TRU, being that I have 4 hour breaks in between classes, which is helping both with my studies (as I can read books and use the bicycle simultaneously) and my overall health. It feels good to take control of yourself, both mind and body. I encourage anyone who has the time to join me. I'm not trying to bulk up or lose weight, just get back into some semblance of being physically fit.

Other than that, it should be a phenomenally intense school year for me, full of headaches and last minute deadlines (but what other way could it be done, right?). Hopefully I'll learn new and exciting things, and make some great new memories in the process. Speaking of good memories... when's the first themed party going to be?? Count me in!

although the cat came back the very next day, my return will be delayed

This is it.
The first vacation I've had in over 3 years of doing solid University courses, paired up with multiple jobs. And, may I just say....

WOO HOO!

I wish everyone a blissful and carefree end to the last remaining days of summer, and I can' t wait to see you all again in September. Although I will be working hard to make this run of the Saucy Fops festival the best they've ever seen, I will be having a good time doing it, and missing you all while I do. Take care, and know my thoughts are with you all!

Peace.

Staind- Schizophrenic Conversations

I still have schizophrenic conversations
Where there's no one else around to hear.
I long for solitude and peace within me
Void of all the anger and the fear.



Need I say more?...

ribbons of truth

stretched rubber
filled with hope
as it floats towards the sky
life has just begun
and happiness makes you light.
the time steals your youth
weighs you down
with burdens and pain
and you lose your weightlessness;
as you begin to sink
falling to the depths of hell
only a few currents of wind
moments of bliss
keep you afloat-
delaying the inevitable
until you touch rock bottom
POP!

Break a leg baby!

Too late to say this to his face... but I was too choked up to remember. Want to extend a hearty congratulations to all the Saucy Fops members and hope that they all have a safe but fantastic trip to Saskatoon! For those of you who haven't heard, I was blessed with an invitation from the Saucy Fops to Stage Manage their Victoria festival (for which much Snoopy Dancing ensued)... so I finally get to do the vacation thing! What a great year it's been for theatre! I've been given so many opportunities that I probably didn't deserve, and it's paying off more and more. I haven't even taken a SM course yet, and I've had 3 opportunities thus far. At least if acting isn't my gig, I can say I have a back-up plan.

It's going to be a hard two weeks for me. Sappy I know, but I haven't been away from Brandon for longer than 2 days before... so anyone who wants to come cheer me up and keep me company... just gimme a call! Love you all!

... I promised myself I wouldn't cry.... damnit!

meh

nothing matters

there's always a problem that i can't fix. no matter how hard i try to keep everything together and to make everyone's life just that much easier, there's always something working against me. and it feels sometimes that i'm the only one that hasn't given up trying. that i'm the only one who thinks happiness is worth fighting for.

i can't smile my way through life, and yet this frown isn't taking me anywhere that i want to go. sometimes i feel that the world is so preoccupied with what's going on in their life, that they never stop to take the time to make a difference in somebody else's. it makes me sick. if everyone just took a moment each day to consider what somebody else's hurt must be like and strove to do something to ease it, maybe their own problems wouldn't be so all consuming. i'm not saying i'm perfect, i'm far from it,... but i at least take the time to focus on another person's needs. it's not "me, me, me" all the time. yes, i like my share of attention too (i'm an actress after all), but after all i feel i do to help others out, is it really so much to ask to just be appreciated? not worshipped, not adored... just acknowledged for what i do... and maybe appreciated for it. i guess it must be, because i constantly feel alone- even after an entire day of selfless devotion to others i still don't feel like what i've done was enough... it couldn't have been... nobody seems to care.

i've got a lot on my mind right now, more than i can put into words... thinking seems to be the bane of my existance, and yet it gives me purpose. everything that's bad for us, we seem to need that much more... like i said... nothing matters.

The tunnel's blackness is always devoured by the approaching light

The last week has been a heart wrenching one for me. I've been pitted as the centre of a cataclysmic disruption in the cosmic forces (most of my loved ones have hit a chaotic point in their lives), and I'm trying so hard to reach out to everyone right now that I don't feel I'm giving them the love and support they deserve. I want everyone to know that no matter how bogged down I am with my own personal shit (cuz let's face it, I always am), I don't want to be kept in the dark about your problems. I have been blessed with family and friends that I can both love dearly and trust with my own issues, and there's nothing in this world that would stop me from easing their hurt (even minutely), whether it furthered my own or not. I want you all to know that I am here for you, however I can be of use, and that I love you all. Don't ever hesitate on leaning against me for support, because I will always be there to fall back upon: be it to cry against me, or to just have me in the room when you don't want to be alone... I've got your back, forever!

This applies to all I know and love, but a special hug and kiss goes out to my sister Jen and my boyfriend Brandon- who both need a little extra support right now. I love you both so very much.